How to feel good (again)

7 ways to get it together after a bad few days

Worth a shot, I guess

I tend not to get too personal on here, sharing hints of my life’s narrative without writing out the entire plot. At least, that’s what an astrologer told me last week. “I’m good at saying so much and yet nothing at all.” K… The jury’s still out on my belief in astrology, but I can’t deny that points were made.

Whether it be a self-fulfilling prophecy or just a genuinely accurate reading of my personality, it holds up. “I write about topics that affect me, without making myself the center.” Today I will be doing exactly that: writing about a feeling I’ve felt many a time, with some small, tangible tips that have made a big difference in my life. The meta-analysis is becoming too burdensome for this already way-too-self-aware girlie, so I’ll just cut to the chase.

I felt BAD earlier this week. Like really bad. I genuinely found myself envious of hermit crabs. I wished I could just crawl out of my body and choose a new one. Those lucky fuckers. My perioral dermatitis had its biggest flare up to date, my stomach felt OFF from hitting a critical mass of sugar intake, and my energy levels were in the toilet. I felt lethargic and uncomfortable in my skin (literally and figuratively). I’m going to be brave and say it: I felt ugly.

Do you ever feel like this, but internally?

Many of us have been in dark places at one point or another. That’s not actually what I’m talking about — that’s above my pay grade (but if you want my psychiatrist’s number, he’s fabulous). What I’m talking about is the short-term, situational scaries you get from a series of unfortunate events. The “I fell off the wagon and now I’m regretting it” feeling. Bad, although uncreative, feels like the best adjective for it.

However, contrary to what you may believe about me from the past few paragraphs, I’m a solutions-oriented person. Like, annoyingly so. I cannot handle wallowing for more than two minutes tops without any action items.

I know, I know everybody is different blah blah, but I think “mood follows action” is a universal truth. I learned that phrase years ago from a very wise health coach, and I haven’t been able to shake it since. Basically, the point is this: don’t wait until you’re “in the mood” to make a change in your life or take care of that task, because I’m sorry to say, that mood isn’t coming. But what is coming is that feeling of fulfillment when you complete said task, or a task of any kind that moves you in the right direction. Next comes momentum, and after that, substantial positive change.

So whether you’re getting back on the wagon, or simply starting your wagon for the first time, here is my list of tried-and-trues. The little things you can do to make yourself feel a lot better after a no good, very bad week. This is me being a wellness warrior.

1: Guilt is Optional, So Choose No Thank You

I can’t remember if I’ve written about this on here before, or if I’ve simply just voice memo-ed it to my sister, but this is the best thing my therapist ever taught me. Guilt, especially when self-imposed, is useless. Sure, you might find guilt motivating, but I don’t. In fact, guilt tends to make me lash out and double down on the thing I’ve been made to feel guilty about.

I’m someone who makes myself feel guilty for every little thing. I didn’t hit 10,000 steps? Guilt. I ate something fried at two out of three meals in one day? Guilt. I didn’t make a TikTok video this weekend? Guilt. I don’t even make money from TikTok??? Why do I feel guilty? It goes back to the self-imposed rules I create for myself and the disappointment I feel when I don’t follow them. So, again, here’s your reminder to let it go.

Create the Content You Wish to See in the World

I think of guilt like an add-on to the feeling that gets automatically applied to your cart. If you’re already feeling crappy, guilt is just an unnecessary icing on the cake that you don’t need to spend money — or in this instance, brain space — on. Let the guilt go. 

I say that as if it’s easy to let go of guilt — it’s not at all. It requires sitting with yourself and engaging in a mental dialogue where you have to literally say to yourself, “Nobody is making me feel guilty except for me. So let’s just press pause on it for now, and we can come back to it later.” You won’t. Or maybe you will, but it won’t be as heavy then once you’ve parsed through the other feelings. If you, like me, fall into the endless productivity trap, you can use it to your advantage here. Remember: guilt is not helpful to the pre-existing feelings of shittiness.

2: Simplify

Let’s not do too much. I mean this advice broadly and non-specifically, but I think it’s best applied to two things: eating and skincare.

• When it comes to eating, compose your meals of single ingredients. Boring, I know. But when you’re feeling simultaneously maxxed out on junk food and overwhelmed by life, do yourself a favor and make your meals super simple. Like rice, beans, 2-3 vegetables simple. Then you add lemon and olive oil. Or soy sauce. It’s like hitting the reset button on your palate.

  

  Bonus opportunity: make your vegetables colorful

  

  I love Selena Ayala’s ingredient prepping approach. She made this gorgeous for us at our One Love Community Fridge lunch. :)

• This practice also pertains to skincare. Like I said, my face blew up this past week, so I’ve gone back down the reddit rabbit hole. Oops! I take everything on there with approximately 25 grains of salt, but something a lot of my fellow POD sufferers tout is “zero therapy,” which basically means using nothing on your face. At all. This sounds extreme for anyone who’s laid eyes on a single GRWM video, and I don’t suggest not cleaning your face, but there’s something to be said about overdoing it with the masks and serums and potions. If your skin is going through it, might I suggest just paring it down to a cleanser and a moisturizer?

  FAQs: Skin Barrier

Simplify your to-do list, simplify your calendar, simplify where you can. I’m good at adding way too many things to my calendar and taking on unnecessary projects and creating chaos for no reason. It’s mind-blowing to realize you actually don’t have to do all that if you’re not in the mood. Don’t make things harder than they have to be for yourself. 

3: Make a salad dressing

Sounds weird, but hear me out. The cause of 90% of at-home salad fails is dressing-related.

Salads are a textbook healthy food and, I’ll say it, one of my favorites. When done correctly. Which entails going the extra mile with the dressing. If you make one dressing on a Sunday evening, maybe even as you’re gearing up to make a salad, it can last you through the whole week, and you’re almost guaranteed a good meal every single day. What you put in the salad is up to you (I mean, we can get into that later if you’d like) but my one crucial tip for a homemade dressing is DON’T SKIMP ON THE OLIVE OIL. Trust me, this is not where we want to let the low-fat propaganda get to us — the oil makes all the difference.

Over-achievers, you can do a kale salad for extra credit

This is the one I’m finishing up today, and I’ve nearly perfected the acid-to-fat ratio:

Basic Vinaigrette (adapted from

Nicole Berrie

’s cookbook) 

• ½ cup of olive oil 

• ¼ cup of filtered water 

• 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 

• 1.5 tbsp Dijon mustard 

• Juice of half a lemon

• 1 clove of garlic 

Cut the butt off of the garlic clove and smash it to release the flavors. Put it into a bottle, add the rest of the ingredients, and shake it thoroughly. That’s it. (I like a lot of Dijon mustard, be warned.)

Not too shabby

4: Meditate (I’m so sorry)

I really hate to be this person, trust me. But it really does work. Look, I too, was in the “I’m too busy to meditate” camp. And maybe this is toxic of me, but the way I got myself to sit down and actually do it is if I reframe meditation as productive.

I’m not, as some of you say, raw-dogging, my meditations. God no. I’m listening to Deepak Chopra and his 21 Day Abundance Meditation Challenge. I could write an essay about how much I love this man and this specific meditation series, but that’s one step too cringey for me today. We can sidebar if you really want to hear it.

5: Schedule out your workouts

Every morning I wake up, do my meditation, drink lemon water, and then go to the gym. Even if I have a coffee meeting and I can only get in a quick 20 minutes of actual exercise, my body still forces me to get up and go. It’s robotic, and it’s largely because I pay a lot of money for my membership.

But if left to my own devices, I will end up walking for an hour on the treadmill while watching Industry. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing by any means, but every day? We can do better than that. So I recommend that when you do your weekly calendar consultation, include your workouts in the conversation. Slot in a weight lifting video you found on YouTube, an attempt at running, or my personal favorite, a couple of Pilates sessions. Just having it all written out is so, so helpful for your (my) sense of purpose. Plus, one less thing in writing means one less thing in your brain, which is always a win.

What can I say, the shadows looked cool

6: Add media of choice to your queue

Initially, I had this listed as “make a playlist.” That’s still a valid suggestion, but it felt a little… shall we say, effortful, for what we’re going for here. Also, sometimes I go through a music rut where I depend solely on podcasts for listening material. Either way, have your media consumption at the ready, so all you have to do is hit play as you walk out the door, or right as you find the will to wash the dishes. For the recommendations -

My second act of bravery for the day is sharing my trusty good mood playlist, aptly named Auditory Lexapro. You’re welcome. I’m open to song suggestions.

The auditory lexapro is working, clearly

If you’re also leaning more podcast these days but need some new content, I’d point you in the direction of the following:

• Lemme Say This - The Eric Adams Episode had me laughing out loud

• Fashion People - I learned so much about Ganni from this one

• Straightio Lab - If you don’t already love Ayo Edebiri, (are you ok?) this will do it

• Naked Beauty - I find Brooke’s energy to be immensely comforting, and this episode with Erica Chidi is a great entry point to her extensive catalogue

7: Make a plan to look forward to

I’m not sure if you could tell, but the underlying message of this entire piece is to plan ahead. After all, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail (said in jest… partially). Unfortunately, part of adulthood includes planning to have fun. Yeah, there’s something to be said for spontaneity, but that can’t be the baseline. Especially during a down period. Nuh uh. So plan something fun — a movie night, a dinner reservation, a walk with your friend. Whatever. Just having something you’re looking forward to on the agenda is a great way to make you remember that joy is worth experiencing. Ha.

Other Honorable Mentions:

• Getting a manicure: you’ll feel more put together

• Breathing fresh air: an alternative to the annoyingly trite (but highly accurate) “go for a walk” platitude

• Lighting a candle: IDK, it just helps

Thank you Elissa for reminding me that kiwis exist

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At this point, we all know that I’m nosy, and I like to learn about other people’s wellness routines (a la Into the Fridge) but if you have any tips for resetting your system / getting your shit together / feeling good in general, the floor is yours.

Reply to this email or leave a comment if you want to reach me. :)