The only milk you'll ever need
Review #21 - Táche 🥛
My official alt-milk stance.
Review #21 - Táche🥛
What Is It
Táche makes dairy-free, plant based milk from pistachios.
You have 10 seconds to take your obligatory “what aren’t they milking these days?!” Jerry Seinfeld impression break, and then get it together. We have serious business to attend to.
For a pretty unique product, they have a relatively robust “milk portfolio”: original and barista blends, both with unsweetened, sweetened and vanilla flavored varieties. They also recently launched their first RTD pistachio milk latte so I’m going to need to try that as well.
Obviously, milk is a pretty versatile substance, so after much deliberation (and grocery store scouring), I’ve decided to move ahead with the following taste-testing format to experience its full breadth of capabilities:
a plain glass of the unsweetened vanilla blend: this seems like the most likely option for a big ol’ cup of alt-milk
a plain glass of the unsweetened original barista blend: an unflavored version felt necessary for journalistic integrity, but the non-barista version was sold out
in a latte: barista’s choice of flavor. You didn’t think I was making a latte at home, did you?
their relatively new RTD pistachio milk latte: shoutout to Purple Carrot for carrying it in their “Plantry”
A bowl of cereal with whichever flavor I decide I like better: a fun bonus for my non-coffee people out there and an unneeded excuse to eat cereal
Ok but first a creative analysis. (That’s a reference to ok, but first coffee. I hope one person got it.)
Brand / Aesthetic
You and I both know that non-dairy milks are a pretty easy punchline, so the inception of a new varietal is going to require a compelling case for a large swath of people.
The case Táche makes positions its flavor as the main appeal, with health as a close runner-up. They make their milk for those who believe in “taste the center of attention” and nutrition as “its best friend”.
Basically, they’re attempting to solve the Oatly Problem: alternative milks that taste the best are made from suboptimal ingredients that we don’t want to consume on a daily basis, if ever (non-organic plants, seed oils, gums, natural flavors, etc). The Oatly Problem sounds like a book some insta-famous doctor would write. Anyone here from Mark Hyman’s team? You’re welcome. The concept is ripe for one of my matrixes: tastes good + unhealthy, tastes bad + unhealthy, tastes bad + healthy, tastes good + healthy, and if enough people ask (read: one or more) I will probably make it into a TikTok.
Taste and nutrition are key, but Táche also checks the third essential box on the zeitgeisty brand application: an environmental promise. According to their website, pistachios are a complete source of protein and antioxidant-rich, and they require 75% less water than almonds to produce the same quantity. Better for you, better for the planet, and all that jazz.
I realize that this sounds like I’m in the pockets of big pistachio, but I’m merely trying to paint a larger picture of where this brand fits into the overwhelming alt-milk ecosystem. Their copywriter is the one to do the big sales pitch, and this is what they’ve come up with.
That blurb is so “we’re not an agency we’re a creative collective” coded, and as objectively crazy as it is, it’s also not NOT me. I’m self-aware enough to know I probably have a sharp tongue and soft taste buds.
Thankfully, that’s the most egregious example of creative director bro speak, and they make up for it with the rest of their copy, particularly on the actual products and their PDP.
Even though I did a lot of the explanation for them, they do make a pretty strong case for their existence if you want to check out their “our story” page.
Let’s back up a second, though, because yes, while they need to explain to customers why this product was created and how it fits into their lives, they first need to get them to listen. Hence the importance of good branding. We’re all judging books by their covers, and don’t forget it.
Táche recently went through a packaging re-design, which makes my self-appointed duty as brand reviewer a little more complicated.
Prior to this visual refresh, I’d been an admirer of their branding from afar, largely due to their unique illustrations that I found charming. They embodied that Parisian stylishness that OG fashion influencers like Aimee Song and Danielle Bernstein curated through their wardrobes and on their feeds back in the day. I don’t know why I’m dancing around it — it’s that made-for-Pinterest “Minimalist, Euro-Chic” category I established last week when I dubbed Merit an inaugural member. It’s the Frankie Shop in an nut milk.
Given their impending Whole Foods launch, I understand why they shifted away from the muted color scheme. The pistachio green accent is now the core color, a smart move for shelf visibility in the scary world of mass-scale distribution. They’ve also updated those whimsical little illustrations to have a unique design per each SKU. Smart.
Call me basic, but I prefer the original product packaging better. Not because of the new illustrations or bright hue, but a grievance I feel embarrassed to bring up for the 800th time. It’s the stupid recoleta font. I wish it didn’t create such a visceral reaction within me, but alas, I can’t deny my true feelings. It’s Gen Z catnip. I can’t get into it more because I’d have legitimate problems if I did, but my Poppi post should give you what you need to know.
Marketing
Pre-rebrand, they had one of my favorite brand Instagram feeds. (What an effing weird thing to say.) Táche was leading the charge for brands making Instagram Pinterest-y again.
Having overseen a lot of brands’ social feeds, I know a lot of their hesitations around purely aesthetic content without an obvious CTA (call to action, for the non-industry peeps) or some sort of engagement push. I see my bias as a creative marketer when it comes to my irritation with the obsession with numbers from heads of marketing, and the ensuing blame on the social media manager for low conversions. I’m not discrediting the importance of highly engaging content and I understand — and generally agree with — the desire for posts that consistently pop off, if you will.
But this speaks to the larger issue with creativity in this day and age: how can we balance our purely artistic outputs with the pressure of performance? As it pertains to brands and their social presences, the truth of the matter is that not every post needs to be a banger and a half. In fact, maintaining a cohesive, visually-enticing feed has its benefits: a loyal following of aesthetic-appreciators which translates to offline brand recognition (and purchasing*). Also, saves. That metric gets spat on a lot but it’s an important one. It means people are coming back to your page and that you’ve attained a level of aspiration that so many are desperate for.
*especially as a food product, measuring your social media success by online purchases is dumb. I understand that I’m privileged to live in a city with a plethora of shoppy shops that sell these sorts of things, but isn’t that who you’re targeting with the product itself? The social media manager’s job is not conversions, it’s awareness and community nurturing so those purchases happen offline. In the REAL WORLD.
Apologies for my unwarranted rant, I don’t know where that came from. Just know that if you’re a social media manager reading this, I stand with you. ✊
Back to Táche’s social presence. I have faith they’ll continue to uphold their aesthetically on-point social presence despite their bright new color palette — they’re already off to a good start.
It’s very smart of them to use their owned channels as a medium for opening PNC’s (potential new customer, I have no idea if that’s an actual term, but I use it frequently) and loyal customers’ minds alike. I think most people view milk (dairy or otherwise) as a coffee/matcha topping or a vehicle for cereal.
From a ____ milk company’s perspective, there are a couple of issues with that. 1) That isolates your customer base to coffee/matcha-drinkers and cereal-eaters. 2) Neither of those activities are great for increasing AOV (average order volume, jeez Merriam-Webster is having a field day) as high-consumption activities.
This is where they’ve gotta get creative and show people alternative use cases, which Táche does by investing in beautiful recipe content. I’m not a baker by any stretch (I have no patience or bandwidth, both of which are requirements for that hobby), but I’m suddenly feeling inspired to make maple pecan oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.
Mission accomplished. Repurposing this content as recipes for their blog — adorably titled “in a nutshell” — is a low-hanging SEO play. 👍
I’m at the part where I give you a bullet point list because my brain starts yelling at me to wrap it up. Here ya go:
This was a great way to tease the launch of their new RTD latte while showing you a problem it can solve in your life, all without being so CoMinG sOoN about it.
A necessary part of their business is wholesale to coffee shops, so they do a nice job of educating consumers as to where they can expect their milk on the menu with regular dedicated social posts
Táche being the official milk sponsor of Summer Fridays café was a very good move on both brands’ parts. Did somebody say SYNERGY?!
Speaking of synergy, this L’Appartement 4F collab was exactly what it needed to be
Oops, I realized that was mostly an analysis of their Instagram — sorry! But truly, everything they post elicits a mom-ish “very cute” reaction from me. Let’s hope it tastes the part.
Efficacy
The more of these reviews I write, the more I realize this whole thing is an exercise in vulnerability. The intimate detail I get to reveal today is my inability to digest lactose, meaning I drink non-dairy milks not by choice but by necessity. That being said, cow milk is still conceptually gross, and I probably wouldn’t drink it if I could. (Ice cream is a different story.) Also, I tend to like the taste of “healthy” things, so keep that in mind too.
Plain glass of unsweetened vanilla blend: This was good. The flavor is a little deeper (?) than an almond milk, and certainly less sweet than oat (which I don’t like). I really can’t envision myself drinking a cold glass of pistachio milk, — or nut milk of any kind, really — but I guess this would do the job if I had a hankering.
Plain glass of unsweetened original barista blend: This didn’t really have a taste to me and my brain had a hard time processing anything aside from creamy and vaguely nutty drink. I don’t see why anyone would be drinking the barista-blend plain though, so I guess I was asking for it.
The cafe-bought latte: This was a great latte. It’s hard to tell if Butler in Soho just makes great lattes, or if the pistachio milk really does something special. I don’t feel any allegiance to almond milk, and given my anti-oat stance, I’d absolutely make this my alt-milk preference at future Táche-carrying cafes.
it’s in your best interest to order a corn muffin, too The RTD latte: This was SO GOOD. Like, shockingly delicious. It’s cold brew + barista-blend pistachio milk in a little premade carton, so in theory, it would be similar to those subpar bottled Starbucks drinks. No. Wrong. This is rich, flavorful, and dare I say, chocolatey. I’m still mind-blown and frantic hours after trying it, perplexed by how much I love this, especially as a known hot black coffee drinker. I cannot express enough how good this beverage was. If you try it, you need to let me know so we can talk about it.
My bowl of cereal: This was probably the most underwhelming bowl of cereal I’ve ever had, but it’s still a bowl of cereal, and I believe even the worst bowl of cereal will still be decent. The actual cereal here was more important for this part of the taste-test than I realized in my pre-purchase hunger, so I could have selected a better one than this organic corn flake. While the whole thing was nothing special, I can’t really fault the milk in this situation — it’s just the messenger, so to speak.
Overall Thoughts
I don’t use nut milk enough to have real emotions about the stuff, but I’m anti-seed oil and eco-conscious enough to make Táche my new back-up for emergency cereal bowls and cookie dunking.
I also think there needs to be a modern version of the got milk? campaign in which pistachio milk is the “stache”. There’s immense potential there.
Last thing — try the RTD latte. Please. It’s an adult YooHoo and I can’t stop thinking about it.
Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.75/5
In Other News…
I thought getting my phone confiscated at sleepaway camp was bad. This is worse…
I’ve been abandoning cart at Kotn for a while, so maybe I’ll finally make a purchase IRL
The MNZ collection at J.Crew is another big win for the legacy retailer in my book
If you couldn’t tell by these other tidbits, I’m into being vain these days
That’s all for now. If there’s a product you want reviewed or just want to chat, reply to this email. :)
and as an SEO gal i applaud their url, wow
"It’s the Frankie Shop in an nut milk." you're killing meee. so good. also as an avowed cow's milk drinker, this is the only alt milk i drink.