How to Stay Consistent

5 slightly esoteric tips to keep your good thing going

Another day, another cliché comes true; consistency is, unfortunately, key. Key for implementing a new habit / lifestyle change, key for maintaining healthy relationships, and key for existing as a functioning member of society.

Key as it may be, consistency is also difficult. Even if you’re a relatively consistent person, such as myself, it can be nearly impossible to stick with something to the point of habit. We live in an ever-evolving world that demonstrates time and time again its affinity for novelty.

More tangibly speaking: sometimes I feel like a crow. It’s hard not to chuckle as I type that out. I find myself coveting shiny new objects and experiences (i.e. face serums, sauna passes, a new pair of Salomons, spa treatments, matching pajama sets, I could keep going if you’d like…) This translates directly to my enthusiasm for adopting new lifestyle changes. The first week of January, I was enthusiastically chewing my food (if you’ll recall, that was my slightly (more than slightly) embarrassing resolution.) It’s exciting to arrive at a new challenge, a new level to beat in this video game called life. It took about two and a half days for that enthusiasm to completely evaporate. Once the facade of freshness fades, the challenge is not at all fun and almost entirely irritating.

But the truth of the matter is that repetition heals. Consistent, sustained action begets a desired outcome. And while humans, and society at large, are hard-wired for novelty, whatever it is you’re attempting only gets good when you hit your stride and resist the urge to let yourself off the hook. Boomer alert, but hard work pays off.

So how does one “stay consistent” and follow through on resolutions or healthy habits or simple tasks like making your bed everyday? *Samantha Jones voice* Honey, if I knew, I’d be a billionaire.

I don’t actually know the answers. I guess we can wrap it up right there… Kidding. But seriously — I’m not in the business of self-help, nor do I want to be. No shade — I love a good non-fiction, life-improving read — but making wellness my bag is already so sexless and that is one bridge too far for me.

What I do know is what has worked for me, and the sociological / philosophical / psychological theories that rattle around in my brain near constantly. Now I’ll subject you to them, in hopes that some combination of the above provides value.

consider yourself warned

A lot of this is mindfulness training. Some of it is habit formation. If I think too hard about all of it, I get philosophy overload and my brain goes to a place that’s hard to come back from. I’ve landed here, in this middle ground between biohack-behavioral-optimization and going full monk-mode.

Also: because the subject matter is, how should I say, ethereal, the photos are going to be more mood-boardy in nature. Just go with it.

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Identify a Purpose

I know, boring!!! It’s so much easier to just do and think the deeper thoughts later. But in order to find extended motivation, you’ll need to give yourself a why. Let’s say you want to, I don’t know, write a newsletter. Why? Is it because you feel like you “should?” No offense, but that’s a bad reason. I’m not saying it has to be something intense and existential, like “this is my higher calling in life” (relax, but also if that’s you, go with God I guess). “I want to have fun and be creative,” is totally fine.

I love this photo of Solange so much

The beauty of the purpose is that once you get off track or lose motivation — as is inevitable — you can use it as a tool to re-center yourself. In this instance, if you’re feeling agitated with your inability to commit to this hypothetical newsletter, remind yourself that “having fun and being creative” is the entire purpose. If you’re not accomplishing either of those things, then iterate. You can be repetitive in your pursuits without your creativity atrophying. Consistency is not stagnancy.

On the topic of distinctions, another important one: the purpose is not (necessarily) the goal. Your purpose is not to achieve X number of Instagram followers or weigh X number of pounds. Your purpose is to share your message with as many people as possible, or feel good in your body. A goal can help, sure, but don’t get them twisted or it can get dark. At least, I’d imagine.

Reframe

As I said eight times already, humans are obsessed with novelty. That’s why when you start a new diet (do people even diet anymore?) or hobby or whatever, you’re excited for the first few days, until it loses its luster. I’ve heard this referred to as the “Barbie Theory,” but in the context of friendships that burn too bright too quickly, and heterosexual relationships where a man gets bored of a woman and tosses her to the side in search of a new toy to play with. Deeply upsetting. Think about your new habit as the Barbie in this scenario (or if you really want to raise the stakes, a human.)

@bran__flakezzthe barbie doll theory of friendship #relatable #friendship #barbiedolltheory

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How sad would it be if you stopped taking care of your partner or friend once their newness wore off? Dramatic? Absolutely. But it gets crazier. When you give up on your hobby / habit / etc, the person you’re actually giving up on is yourself. Boom. Well, an aspect of yourself — i.e. your creativity, your fitness, your potential.

Being a human in society requires self-parenting (don’t say adulting near me), and I’d imagine your parent would want you to participate in extracurricular activities that contribute to your well-being. Nourishing your mind / body / spirit / the works, is not just an act of self-love, it’s an essential part of a successful, well-rounded existence.

Make Consistency a Novelty (a.k.a. Pavlov-yourself)

Sorry, I’m reeling it back in — I got a little too Julia Cameron-y in that last one.

You don’t need to make yourself feel guilty for being a novelty addict for two reasons: a) it’s natural and b) guilt is unproductive. Instead, you can try to inception the whole thing by making consistency the novelty in and of itself.

You’re probably going to want to make this part tangible — telling yourself that doing a task again and again, even if you’re routine-averse, probably won’t cut it. I’d recommend you incorporate one slightly new element every few times you perform said task. So if you want to exercise routinely, make one slight tweak here and there. A new workout outfit, a new playlist (FREE!), a new weight-lifting routine, even? IDK figure it out.

Breaking the fourth wall for a second: I try to write this newsletter from a new coffee shop once a week, and now novelty (as it pertains to my setting) is a ritual. It’s called hacking the system.

sometimes I throw in a muffin for bonus points

Actually Feel Proud of Yourself

Most of us feel motivated when we see that the thing we’re doing is working. And when the thing you’re doing is working, you feel a sense of accomplishment. But most of the habits and hobbies we want to implement require a lot of time and effort without a tangible ROI for quite some time. Therefore, you’ll need to feel the sense of accomplishment simply by performing the behavior and bypass the in-between step of visible results.

It’s simple: you have to acknowledge the work required to stay consistent. Every night — lol, some nights — before I go to bed, I whip out the trusty nightstand journal and instead of writing a gratitude list, I write a list of things I’m proud of from the day. Give yourself permission to get granular with it. I have things like “washed my dishes right after eating” on there.

nightstand setup 1

I surprise myself constantly with this. I have days where I feel like a waste of oxygen, but then I force myself to recount my day and I realize that I still got groceries, called my parents, and cleaned my bathroom. When you think about it, that’s sort of a lot…

nightstand setup 2

Once you have your list for the day, then — and this is where I become Buddha-reincarnate — I sit with it for a solid minute. That’s it. I just sit and let it absorb.

This all sounds rather elementary, I know, but humans are famously bad at feeling our emotions, positive ones included. There are too many external stimuli that constantly interfere with our abilities to get quiet and understand the emotions that bubble up inside. We’re all dopamine desensitized, a positive affinity is expressed through a double-tap, and our laughter has devolved to softly groaning while scrolling through videos.

So we have to make an effort to feel our emotions — pride included. I resist doing this journaling and faux meditation crap every single time, but every single time I do it, I feel really freaking good. I’d like to believe it’s making a deeper impact the longer I let those feelings marinate.

Essentially, I’m giving myself positive reinforcement to inspire continued behavior.

I try to do my friend Nic’s Visual Visions workbook as a more robust reflection / intention-setting exercise quarterly

Plan with Burnout Prevention

I’m often asked (it happened twice in the past four months, so for all intents and purposes, often) how I appear to be an Energizer Bunny, constantly producing so much. I heard that come out of my proverbial mouth, and I hated it FYI. Truthfully, it’s not an issue for me to keep going. The issue is stopping myself from going too hard all the time and subsequently burning out. I’ve learned this the hard way on more than one occasion, so note that this one is really a work in progress.

The way I’m fighting against my impulse to “just do a little more” is by scheduling in non-negotiable recharge time. Sometimes this recharge time is pure and unadulterated (so sorry in advance) brainrot. Sometimes it’s a dinner with friends, with a hard five-minute work talk cap. Sometimes it’s a trip to the movie theaters so I can turn my phone off and disappear from reality. Notice how none of these are my hobby / habit that I’m attempting to be consistent with. Even if you consider writing or knitting or exercising your “break,” it still requires a break of its own.

This recharge time is not only scheduled, but enforced and prioritized just like any other work obligation would be. This is because burnout prevention is a crucial part of work, and by transitive property, is productive.

Unfortunately, I do tell myself “rest is productive” daily. I cringe each time I do it with the self-awareness of being perpetually stuck on the productivity treadmill, but hey, whatever works. I’m not in the mood to make myself feel guilty about that right now.

sometimes you have to lean into being a self-care meme

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Like I said, I realize how psychological this all is and here I am, no psychology degree in sight. In my defense, I did learn about Social Cognitive Theory in school, so… Also, I should have led with this, but I am an insane trifecta of Capricorn, Oldest Daughter, and New Yorker, so, do with that information what you will. Sorry.