This is SO GOOD I stopped drinking after college so it’s been about 4 years now and I’m in a few circles (my workplace, specifically lol) where drinking is THE activity and you summed it all up so so well. Shirley temple girls unite!!!!
Shirley Temple! So happy to be reminded of this. I struggle with the super sweet nature of so many NA drinks - I was a whiskey/red wine girl and haven’t found enough NA options I love. But sticking with it, by and large….
i’ve never related to something more! i used to drink (a lot lol) so my friends had a precedent for me + drinking but i stopped sort of cold turkey due to some health issues and i’ve had more fun than i’ve ever had before at bars/parties/girls nights!
I live in the UK and here pubs are part of the culture. There's always more booze than actual food at parties and I hate that. I am italian and I enjoy drinking with food and drinking well. I want to drink for the pleasure of drinking something flavourful not whatever to just blackout. It was one of the many cultural shock when I first moved here, and when I was younger I ended up not being invited to "drinks" because I couldn't "take the edge off" with just some beers. Absurd!
But also this brings to the picture how much drinking is normalised and how much its usage impacts the culture of a country!
P.s. I love your writing Katie, thank you so much for being this cool
Couldn't agree more! When I was living in London for a few months, it was such an eye opening experience and I've never felt more shamed when I wouldn't partake. To your point - it's so interesting the differences country to country. Have you spent time in the US? I'm curious to hear how that compares!
I am ashamed to say I’ve never actually been to the US! But from friends, coworkers and just the internet my perception is that you guys have way more alternatives to alcohol, and there are entire cities devoted (borderline obsessed) to a healthier way of living. Which is great. Reading your article, we sobers, seem to be pretty much on the same boat though
I knooooow people scream at me when I say it! Ahah I travelled a lot, everywhere in Europe, Asia and even Russia but never the US 💔 planning a trip to NY for next May tho xx
Definitely agree with all the tips!! I stopped drinking in December after being a certified party girl since college (not that party girls have to drink!)
I thought it would be weird and lonely and hard, but I found that nobody cares. I also have MORE fun going out - and I’m not hungover the next day!!
I remember people on my 21st birthday telling me to drink more and that I had to black out. What?! First of all, how absurd. Second, why?? Third, I will get sick before I reach that point always and that’s just never gonna be my goal.
I wanna know what language you like to use when talking about a non-alcoholic beverage. Heard Melanie Masarin talk about this on a podcast once… spirit free? Mocktail? I love taking pics of drink menus and seeing how everyone does it differently. I’ve seen menus with the non-alcoholic drinks alongside the alcoholic drinks, just with a little “NA” besides the name. I’ve seen a drink list where every drink had the ABV by it (I think this was my fav). Curious to hear what you and others think, if you have a preference to how’s it’s talked about on a menu!
Oh I like this idea with the ABV label! It feels like a great equalizer, as opposed to the spirit-free section which is a little othering. I personally don't mind a separate section because it provides more clarity, but I find it easy to slip into corny territory with works like "mocktail" (which is now too ubiquitous to be corny imo).
This relates a lot to how I think about vegetarian sections of menus too, and it's something I discuss with my friends often. Plant Based is unclear, but vegan is off-putting to some while helpful to others (like me, a dairy-free person). All is to say, it's something I juggle mentally quite often!
Loved this read! I stopped drinking a little while after being laid off earlier this year and was surprised to find that, where I initially assumed I would want to gravitate back to alcohol as a social lubricant, I actually became more relaxed despite not indulging. While it may not be my forever reality, I have appreciated the clarity not drinking has given me during this patch of unemployment.
My friend Amara is a bartender and she offers to make non drinkers a “virgin sacrifice.” It’s Sprite with house made passion fruit syrup and house made grenadine. It’s a pretty pink color. Served with a tentacle-shaped garnish that looks like an octopus. Genuinely fun for all involved. I drink but I also go through phases (of weeks or months at a time) where I don’t. If someone asks me why I’m not imbibing I just tell them I am on antibiotics. It shuts people up.
Virgin Sacrifice - incredible name. You know, I’ve tried the antibiotics thing before and have been disturbed by the amount of people who respond “so?” LOL.
It doesn't bother me in the least if people make the choice not to drink alcohol but some people really need to put their point across. I met a family that I'm going to have to get to know better for the first time in a restaurant. They performatively don't drink but I like a glass of wine - one glass, generally - with my meal. Nothing was said until the mother of the family told me, as a non sequitur, "We prefer to spend the money on travelling." 1) I can drink my one glass of wine and travel. Indeed I was embarking on a solo journey across their country; 2) They barely travel. It was such a strange thing to say, I feel.
Yes to all of these tips and observations! I've stopped drinking almost a year ago, and the few and far between glasses of alcohol I've had since have just made me feel awful, sick and anxious, so I decided to commit to being alcohol-free.
I agree with you, one of the tips that I always share with people is to always have a fun drink on hand, especially at a party or outing.
I did notice that some people think I'm boring for not drinking, but I was having issues with those friends anyway. I turned 35 this year, and I realize that some people party as a way to avoid growing up and disguising an alcohol problem.
I also realized how alcohol is way too glamourized in our society. I loved reading books like The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober or Quit Like a Woman, which show the lie that we were sold on alcohol and talk about the benefits of a fun, healthy life without alcohol.
Since I've stopped drinking, I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher training, began doing astrology consultations, got a new job and generally leveled up!
I just went on a 2-week holiday in Spain where I tried every kind of non-alcoholic beer available, and I felt much better than on previous, booze-fueled trips!
Thank you for sharing this, I love your perspective! It's so cool how you've been able to literally level up just by removing a toxin from your life lol. The alcohol problem is a really interesting point -- what alarm bells ring to you that makes you realize it's a little deeper than just a love for partying?
BTW, I've heard great things about those books, so I'll have to check them out. :)
Love this. I also don't drink and agree that no one cares. I've noticed more restaurants with non-alcoholic menu sections in the past few years, which has been nice to see (although I still drink quite a lot of Shirley Temples).
I think it's a bit ordinary, not drinking, if you live out in the sticks where someone has to drive.
But it also seems that genetically we have evolved a variety of different abilities to deal with alcohol. Some people happily drink moderately, some fall over after one drink, some feel compelled to drink themselves under the table. This also apparently applies to the populations of different countries, so, no blame.
What is great is the increasing choice of something non alcoholic to drink.
Agreed - and good point. However, is the purpose for not drinking to be a DD, or is it for personal / health reasons? Is it still begrudging to be the driver?
I really enjoyed this and at the risk of making a bad pun it was very refreshing. From the age of about 20 I’ve felt socially uncomfortable because I just don’t like to drink as much as others - although I like the taste of alcohol I just don’t enjoy feeling drunk and I find hangovers horrendous. Now I’m in my 50s and finally feel more at ease with just drinking my one, maximum two glasses, or even stick to ‘zero’ beers all evening, which more and more is my preferred option and I’m loving how available they are now. I used to make various excuses for not drinking more but nowadays I don’t bother. It’s actually insane to think about the relentless pressure I’ve experienced in almost every single social situation to drink more than I want to, over so many years. It’s not the only way to have fun and yet it’s used as a definition or measure of fun all the time.
Right! I couldn’t agree more. It’s truly wild to think about and realize the excuses I used to avoid drinking… I think as not drinking becomes more popular, we’re starting to see less uniformity in the definition of fun. Finally!
I'm the target audience
my girl <3
This is SO GOOD I stopped drinking after college so it’s been about 4 years now and I’m in a few circles (my workplace, specifically lol) where drinking is THE activity and you summed it all up so so well. Shirley temple girls unite!!!!
So happy this resonated! Drinks dates need a rebrand!
Shirley Temple! So happy to be reminded of this. I struggle with the super sweet nature of so many NA drinks - I was a whiskey/red wine girl and haven’t found enough NA options I love. But sticking with it, by and large….
i’ve never related to something more! i used to drink (a lot lol) so my friends had a precedent for me + drinking but i stopped sort of cold turkey due to some health issues and i’ve had more fun than i’ve ever had before at bars/parties/girls nights!
I love this! Further proof that you are the fun part of the night!
I live in the UK and here pubs are part of the culture. There's always more booze than actual food at parties and I hate that. I am italian and I enjoy drinking with food and drinking well. I want to drink for the pleasure of drinking something flavourful not whatever to just blackout. It was one of the many cultural shock when I first moved here, and when I was younger I ended up not being invited to "drinks" because I couldn't "take the edge off" with just some beers. Absurd!
But also this brings to the picture how much drinking is normalised and how much its usage impacts the culture of a country!
P.s. I love your writing Katie, thank you so much for being this cool
Couldn't agree more! When I was living in London for a few months, it was such an eye opening experience and I've never felt more shamed when I wouldn't partake. To your point - it's so interesting the differences country to country. Have you spent time in the US? I'm curious to hear how that compares!
PS so sweet, right back at you :)
I am ashamed to say I’ve never actually been to the US! But from friends, coworkers and just the internet my perception is that you guys have way more alternatives to alcohol, and there are entire cities devoted (borderline obsessed) to a healthier way of living. Which is great. Reading your article, we sobers, seem to be pretty much on the same boat though
Wait — that is so iconic that you've never been to the US!!
I knooooow people scream at me when I say it! Ahah I travelled a lot, everywhere in Europe, Asia and even Russia but never the US 💔 planning a trip to NY for next May tho xx
Definitely agree with all the tips!! I stopped drinking in December after being a certified party girl since college (not that party girls have to drink!)
I thought it would be weird and lonely and hard, but I found that nobody cares. I also have MORE fun going out - and I’m not hungover the next day!!
1000% - i think a lot of people assume I'm no fun because I don't drink but I'd like to argue otherwise haha
I remember people on my 21st birthday telling me to drink more and that I had to black out. What?! First of all, how absurd. Second, why?? Third, I will get sick before I reach that point always and that’s just never gonna be my goal.
literally! Why should we tell other people to black out... that says a lot more about the person on the other end of the equation
Agree! It was such a weird thing to push for
I wanna know what language you like to use when talking about a non-alcoholic beverage. Heard Melanie Masarin talk about this on a podcast once… spirit free? Mocktail? I love taking pics of drink menus and seeing how everyone does it differently. I’ve seen menus with the non-alcoholic drinks alongside the alcoholic drinks, just with a little “NA” besides the name. I’ve seen a drink list where every drink had the ABV by it (I think this was my fav). Curious to hear what you and others think, if you have a preference to how’s it’s talked about on a menu!
Oh I like this idea with the ABV label! It feels like a great equalizer, as opposed to the spirit-free section which is a little othering. I personally don't mind a separate section because it provides more clarity, but I find it easy to slip into corny territory with works like "mocktail" (which is now too ubiquitous to be corny imo).
This relates a lot to how I think about vegetarian sections of menus too, and it's something I discuss with my friends often. Plant Based is unclear, but vegan is off-putting to some while helpful to others (like me, a dairy-free person). All is to say, it's something I juggle mentally quite often!
Agree, plant based can be so unclear. I'm always thrilled when a restaurant labels their vegan items.
Loved this read! I stopped drinking a little while after being laid off earlier this year and was surprised to find that, where I initially assumed I would want to gravitate back to alcohol as a social lubricant, I actually became more relaxed despite not indulging. While it may not be my forever reality, I have appreciated the clarity not drinking has given me during this patch of unemployment.
I love this perspective! It's also quite freeing to know that your chances of a stomach ache are much lower than usual going into an evening haha
Totally!!
My friend Amara is a bartender and she offers to make non drinkers a “virgin sacrifice.” It’s Sprite with house made passion fruit syrup and house made grenadine. It’s a pretty pink color. Served with a tentacle-shaped garnish that looks like an octopus. Genuinely fun for all involved. I drink but I also go through phases (of weeks or months at a time) where I don’t. If someone asks me why I’m not imbibing I just tell them I am on antibiotics. It shuts people up.
Virgin Sacrifice - incredible name. You know, I’ve tried the antibiotics thing before and have been disturbed by the amount of people who respond “so?” LOL.
It doesn't bother me in the least if people make the choice not to drink alcohol but some people really need to put their point across. I met a family that I'm going to have to get to know better for the first time in a restaurant. They performatively don't drink but I like a glass of wine - one glass, generally - with my meal. Nothing was said until the mother of the family told me, as a non sequitur, "We prefer to spend the money on travelling." 1) I can drink my one glass of wine and travel. Indeed I was embarking on a solo journey across their country; 2) They barely travel. It was such a strange thing to say, I feel.
I hear that! Preaching not necessary, and usually not helpful
Yes to all of these tips and observations! I've stopped drinking almost a year ago, and the few and far between glasses of alcohol I've had since have just made me feel awful, sick and anxious, so I decided to commit to being alcohol-free.
I agree with you, one of the tips that I always share with people is to always have a fun drink on hand, especially at a party or outing.
I did notice that some people think I'm boring for not drinking, but I was having issues with those friends anyway. I turned 35 this year, and I realize that some people party as a way to avoid growing up and disguising an alcohol problem.
I also realized how alcohol is way too glamourized in our society. I loved reading books like The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober or Quit Like a Woman, which show the lie that we were sold on alcohol and talk about the benefits of a fun, healthy life without alcohol.
Since I've stopped drinking, I completed my 200-hour yoga teacher training, began doing astrology consultations, got a new job and generally leveled up!
I just went on a 2-week holiday in Spain where I tried every kind of non-alcoholic beer available, and I felt much better than on previous, booze-fueled trips!
Thank you for sharing this, I love your perspective! It's so cool how you've been able to literally level up just by removing a toxin from your life lol. The alcohol problem is a really interesting point -- what alarm bells ring to you that makes you realize it's a little deeper than just a love for partying?
BTW, I've heard great things about those books, so I'll have to check them out. :)
I love this so much!❤️ Tip 5 was def my fav!
The easiest advice to give and the hardest to take! haha I'm glad you enjoyed <3 TY for reading!
Love this. I also don't drink and agree that no one cares. I've noticed more restaurants with non-alcoholic menu sections in the past few years, which has been nice to see (although I still drink quite a lot of Shirley Temples).
TY <3 same re Shirley temples, but no complaints there
I think it's a bit ordinary, not drinking, if you live out in the sticks where someone has to drive.
But it also seems that genetically we have evolved a variety of different abilities to deal with alcohol. Some people happily drink moderately, some fall over after one drink, some feel compelled to drink themselves under the table. This also apparently applies to the populations of different countries, so, no blame.
What is great is the increasing choice of something non alcoholic to drink.
Agreed - and good point. However, is the purpose for not drinking to be a DD, or is it for personal / health reasons? Is it still begrudging to be the driver?
It’s a tension ridden discussion whenever we go out!
But I am one of those who can’t drink much without feeling ill normally. That doesn’t stop me enjoying a glass of wine or real ale.
I really enjoyed this and at the risk of making a bad pun it was very refreshing. From the age of about 20 I’ve felt socially uncomfortable because I just don’t like to drink as much as others - although I like the taste of alcohol I just don’t enjoy feeling drunk and I find hangovers horrendous. Now I’m in my 50s and finally feel more at ease with just drinking my one, maximum two glasses, or even stick to ‘zero’ beers all evening, which more and more is my preferred option and I’m loving how available they are now. I used to make various excuses for not drinking more but nowadays I don’t bother. It’s actually insane to think about the relentless pressure I’ve experienced in almost every single social situation to drink more than I want to, over so many years. It’s not the only way to have fun and yet it’s used as a definition or measure of fun all the time.
Right! I couldn’t agree more. It’s truly wild to think about and realize the excuses I used to avoid drinking… I think as not drinking becomes more popular, we’re starting to see less uniformity in the definition of fun. Finally!
great piece katie!! (i don’t drink either 🙃)
TY! So aligned :)